The suck list and how Grandpa's not your typical grandpa
Sucks to...
- Paper cuts. I currently have five.
- Running out of whiskey on a Sunday.
- Boring weekends.
- Writer's block. And that little voice in your head that tells you what a talentless sucktard you are.
- Weekends that go by too quickly.
- Having many, many channels and nothing to watch.
No sucks to...
- Elvis Costello. I wish I was Martha Plimpton's character in 200 Cigarettes and he played at my party, only I wasn't passed out and informed of said performance the next day.
- "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. It's the song from the Old Navy commercial and I heart it because I like the way she sings "I-I-I-I-I lo-o-o-ove the way you call me baby."
- Weekends in general. No matter how quickly they go or how boring they are, they are like pizza. Always good.
- Bangs!
- Tamales.
I bought a suit this weekend. Not because I have an interview or anything, but because it was cute. I originally went to the mall to buy a dress for my Jewish grandpa's party in November, but the suit caught my attention and alas, I came home with no dress.
On the subject of the party, this soiree is totally impromptu, totally not in Grandpa's nature. Sure, he loves the company of checkered characters...but I don't think I've every heard of him throwing a party just for the fuck of it. At any rate, I'm going...you know, for the checkered characters and stuff.
Grandpa in brief
He's 89, Jewish, originally from San Francisco, and inherited millions of dollars from his dad, who made a fortune making paper and being the ambassador to Italy during the Eisenhower administration. Grandpa's traveled all over the world and when I asked him where he hasn't been, he said, Romania, Antarctica, and some countries in Africa he can't recall. His favorite places are Brazil, Mexico, Russia and Italy. He's documented every trip on video, as he is crazy about video taping everything and editing them on his gnarly video editing software. He and Grandma live next door to my mom. He enjoys his nightly "chingaso time," which is his version of cocktail hour, exactly at 9 pm, and consisting of two shots of Scotch on the rocks. I've been invited to "chingaso time" about three times in my life. He introduced me to classical music. He also took me to Sea World when I was 11. And now he's throwing a party.
Checkered characters Grandpa's been known to hang with:
- Lirio, a Mexican lounge singer wannabe actress who used to put on shows in Grandpa's living room, complete with microphone and feather boa. She was notorious for not wearing underwear. I know this because my mom pointed out to me how her pubes stuck out of her dress. Lirio taught me the song, "El Negro," a very politically incorrect traditional Chilean song about how a kid is telling his mom that a mean black man is bothering him. I've also seen a video of Lirio taking a shower in Grandpa's shower. She's not doing anything except showering, but yeah, there's so much wrong with the fact that such a video exists and that I saw it.
- Jerry, the accordion player. He was my piano teacher for a short period of time, but I mostly saw him in Grandpa's living room having "chingaso time" and/or playing his accordion. He used to call songs, "diddies" and he ate eucalyptus-flavored cough drops like candy. He was married to a Jehovah's witness who never came over to Grandpa's house. A self-proclaimed Bohemian, Jerry used to go to the Czech Republic every year with just enough money to get there and back, and for food. He'd stay with relatives and study their language and culture for no particular reason, only for his own amusement. One time he sat down with our maid, who was from a small Indigenous village in Oaxaca, for hours and wrote voracious notes on how to say this and that in her dialect.
- Connie, a Canadian expat pianist who lived in Rome. She was tall, wrinkly, had red hair and smoked like it was going out of style.
And that's Grandpa.
- Paper cuts. I currently have five.
- Running out of whiskey on a Sunday.
- Boring weekends.
- Writer's block. And that little voice in your head that tells you what a talentless sucktard you are.
- Weekends that go by too quickly.
- Having many, many channels and nothing to watch.
No sucks to...
- Elvis Costello. I wish I was Martha Plimpton's character in 200 Cigarettes and he played at my party, only I wasn't passed out and informed of said performance the next day.
- "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. It's the song from the Old Navy commercial and I heart it because I like the way she sings "I-I-I-I-I lo-o-o-ove the way you call me baby."
- Weekends in general. No matter how quickly they go or how boring they are, they are like pizza. Always good.
- Bangs!
- Tamales.
I bought a suit this weekend. Not because I have an interview or anything, but because it was cute. I originally went to the mall to buy a dress for my Jewish grandpa's party in November, but the suit caught my attention and alas, I came home with no dress.
On the subject of the party, this soiree is totally impromptu, totally not in Grandpa's nature. Sure, he loves the company of checkered characters...but I don't think I've every heard of him throwing a party just for the fuck of it. At any rate, I'm going...you know, for the checkered characters and stuff.
Grandpa in brief
He's 89, Jewish, originally from San Francisco, and inherited millions of dollars from his dad, who made a fortune making paper and being the ambassador to Italy during the Eisenhower administration. Grandpa's traveled all over the world and when I asked him where he hasn't been, he said, Romania, Antarctica, and some countries in Africa he can't recall. His favorite places are Brazil, Mexico, Russia and Italy. He's documented every trip on video, as he is crazy about video taping everything and editing them on his gnarly video editing software. He and Grandma live next door to my mom. He enjoys his nightly "chingaso time," which is his version of cocktail hour, exactly at 9 pm, and consisting of two shots of Scotch on the rocks. I've been invited to "chingaso time" about three times in my life. He introduced me to classical music. He also took me to Sea World when I was 11. And now he's throwing a party.
Checkered characters Grandpa's been known to hang with:
- Lirio, a Mexican lounge singer wannabe actress who used to put on shows in Grandpa's living room, complete with microphone and feather boa. She was notorious for not wearing underwear. I know this because my mom pointed out to me how her pubes stuck out of her dress. Lirio taught me the song, "El Negro," a very politically incorrect traditional Chilean song about how a kid is telling his mom that a mean black man is bothering him. I've also seen a video of Lirio taking a shower in Grandpa's shower. She's not doing anything except showering, but yeah, there's so much wrong with the fact that such a video exists and that I saw it.
- Jerry, the accordion player. He was my piano teacher for a short period of time, but I mostly saw him in Grandpa's living room having "chingaso time" and/or playing his accordion. He used to call songs, "diddies" and he ate eucalyptus-flavored cough drops like candy. He was married to a Jehovah's witness who never came over to Grandpa's house. A self-proclaimed Bohemian, Jerry used to go to the Czech Republic every year with just enough money to get there and back, and for food. He'd stay with relatives and study their language and culture for no particular reason, only for his own amusement. One time he sat down with our maid, who was from a small Indigenous village in Oaxaca, for hours and wrote voracious notes on how to say this and that in her dialect.
- Connie, a Canadian expat pianist who lived in Rome. She was tall, wrinkly, had red hair and smoked like it was going out of style.
And that's Grandpa.
posted by deconstructionist at 7:20 PM
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