Bueller...Bueller...
I've got some serious 'splaining to do.
It has been almost a year since I've contributed to this corner of the Internet. I just kind of disappeared from here and went about my life. I admit, I've spent my time elsewhere: MySpace, Facebook, a short-lived new blog (I'll explain in a minute). The thing is this: something about this site became a weird place for me all of a sudden. There was a point in which I read old posts and became embarrassed that I'd revealed so much of myself and wanted to go away, far, far away from it, as if I'd turned a switch that made me not want to share myself anymore. It's kind of like when you're at a party and make a terrible joke and the music stops with a terrific scratch of a record and everyone in the room looks at you and then you run away.
I tried starting over. I created a brand new blog -- a clean slate, one that was untouched, unspoiled by my previous whining about life, work, etc. This new virgin blog was going to reflect how I wanted to see myself...or so I thought.
I find the new blog hollow, unintersting, lacking in substance. It lacks the previous posts that build up, complement, explain whatever current ramblings I choose to publish.
I reread old posts on this site. I kind of laugh now reading about how unhappy I was three years ago at my first job out of college, you remember, the office with the "deadhearts." I grimace at the totally reckless decision to quit that job and go to Italy and then come back to find that I not only had no job, but no real direction, only an album full of pretty pictures and a new fondness for fizzy water.
All this honesty made me shriek and run away. But rereading the posts on this site make me realize that this is me. What the hell am I running away from?
This has happened to me before...when I first started revealing myself on paper. I was 13 and wrote in my journal every day, documenting every event, every feeling, from the way my first boyfriend's hair smelled to the way holding his hand gave me butterflies. I innocently wrote every detail of how my parents' divorce affected me and trips to the mall with my aunt and how I wished I was grown up so I could do whatever I wanted and escape the angst of NOW (silly, silly girl).
After about a year of purging my innermost thoughts onto paper, I suddenly stopped. I'd said too much. I read old entries and hated myself for being so stupid. I put away the journal for a few years and went about my little world of high school, boyfriends, friends. Then at about age 16, I came back to my journal and was delighted by the memories of this and that. My new perspective at the ripe old age of 16 allowed me to embrace my former self and be free once again to start documenting the happenings of the time.
So what I'm trying to say is I'm back. A lot has happened in my life since October 2006 and I'm ready to share again. Some highlights:
- Dallas has been good to us. I've been a proofreader, a marketing assistant, a freelance copywriter, and now I'm at an ad agency (finally). The new gig is sweet (in theory) because I'm finally working in an advertising environment and get to do movie promos. The downside is that I am not doing anything creative, which might change soon. My cousin, who works at another agency, has informed me this week of an opening in her agency's creative department for a copywriter. Currently, my resume and some writing samples are in their hands and I'm wrecked with anticipation to say the least.
- I went to San Antonio for my 26th birthday and partied like a rock star. In attendance were my brother, his band, my dad and friends. And of course, Matt. You should be jealous.
- I participated in my gorgeous friend Crystal's wedding as a bridesmaid: this includes a legendary bachelorette weekend in Austin with the other secretly jealous bridesmaids, a drunken rehearsal dinner, and of course the wedding.
- I went to Puebla, Mexico for my cousin's wedding. On this trip I learned that: 1.) my brother talks more than possibly anybody else in the world when he's nervous, 2.) after meeting a German, a Belgian, and a Finnish, I will never worry about my accent again simply because their accents were so charming, 3.) if I go to one more wedding in Mexico without Matt, my family will think he does not exist.
- I saw my favorite band, Maná, in concert a few weeks ago.
There you have it. (It's good to be back.)
It has been almost a year since I've contributed to this corner of the Internet. I just kind of disappeared from here and went about my life. I admit, I've spent my time elsewhere: MySpace, Facebook, a short-lived new blog (I'll explain in a minute). The thing is this: something about this site became a weird place for me all of a sudden. There was a point in which I read old posts and became embarrassed that I'd revealed so much of myself and wanted to go away, far, far away from it, as if I'd turned a switch that made me not want to share myself anymore. It's kind of like when you're at a party and make a terrible joke and the music stops with a terrific scratch of a record and everyone in the room looks at you and then you run away.
I tried starting over. I created a brand new blog -- a clean slate, one that was untouched, unspoiled by my previous whining about life, work, etc. This new virgin blog was going to reflect how I wanted to see myself...or so I thought.
I find the new blog hollow, unintersting, lacking in substance. It lacks the previous posts that build up, complement, explain whatever current ramblings I choose to publish.
I reread old posts on this site. I kind of laugh now reading about how unhappy I was three years ago at my first job out of college, you remember, the office with the "deadhearts." I grimace at the totally reckless decision to quit that job and go to Italy and then come back to find that I not only had no job, but no real direction, only an album full of pretty pictures and a new fondness for fizzy water.
All this honesty made me shriek and run away. But rereading the posts on this site make me realize that this is me. What the hell am I running away from?
This has happened to me before...when I first started revealing myself on paper. I was 13 and wrote in my journal every day, documenting every event, every feeling, from the way my first boyfriend's hair smelled to the way holding his hand gave me butterflies. I innocently wrote every detail of how my parents' divorce affected me and trips to the mall with my aunt and how I wished I was grown up so I could do whatever I wanted and escape the angst of NOW (silly, silly girl).
After about a year of purging my innermost thoughts onto paper, I suddenly stopped. I'd said too much. I read old entries and hated myself for being so stupid. I put away the journal for a few years and went about my little world of high school, boyfriends, friends. Then at about age 16, I came back to my journal and was delighted by the memories of this and that. My new perspective at the ripe old age of 16 allowed me to embrace my former self and be free once again to start documenting the happenings of the time.
So what I'm trying to say is I'm back. A lot has happened in my life since October 2006 and I'm ready to share again. Some highlights:
- Dallas has been good to us. I've been a proofreader, a marketing assistant, a freelance copywriter, and now I'm at an ad agency (finally). The new gig is sweet (in theory) because I'm finally working in an advertising environment and get to do movie promos. The downside is that I am not doing anything creative, which might change soon. My cousin, who works at another agency, has informed me this week of an opening in her agency's creative department for a copywriter. Currently, my resume and some writing samples are in their hands and I'm wrecked with anticipation to say the least.
- I went to San Antonio for my 26th birthday and partied like a rock star. In attendance were my brother, his band, my dad and friends. And of course, Matt. You should be jealous.
- I participated in my gorgeous friend Crystal's wedding as a bridesmaid: this includes a legendary bachelorette weekend in Austin with the other secretly jealous bridesmaids, a drunken rehearsal dinner, and of course the wedding.
- I went to Puebla, Mexico for my cousin's wedding. On this trip I learned that: 1.) my brother talks more than possibly anybody else in the world when he's nervous, 2.) after meeting a German, a Belgian, and a Finnish, I will never worry about my accent again simply because their accents were so charming, 3.) if I go to one more wedding in Mexico without Matt, my family will think he does not exist.
- I saw my favorite band, Maná, in concert a few weeks ago.
There you have it. (It's good to be back.)
posted by deconstructionist at 3:34 PM
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