I wish I could pee standing up

In the hazy afterbirth of "American Idol," I just have to say a few words. Number one: I'm glad it's fucking over! It was ruining my life. Well, not really -- I didn't see the big announcement that...Letter B: Carrie won. Big surprise there. I don't really care, even though my apparent obsession is proving me wrong.

So there you have it. Case closed. You don't have to hear any more about that -- until next season. Now you get to hear about my upcoming adventures in the wild and wacky outdoors. Yes, ladies and goobers, I'm going camping.

There will be much drinking, laughing, squatting to pee and wiping my legs and ankles as I nonchalantly make my way back to do some more drinking and laughing. Details coming to a monitor near you. And don't believe anything monday evening writes about it.