Real

I can't help myself. I am a sucker for sad stories. So now you are, too.

Sad things happen all the time. To everyone. But it isn't often when something sad hits close to home. It makes you feel. It's that pang of hurt wakes you up, in your chest, and you realize that you are not the center of the universe, and that people might really need you. And I am always obliged to reciprocate.

My friend's partner of 10 years died. Since I've known them, he'd always had health issues, so this doesn't come as a surprise, but the news still hits you and lays on your chest like a too-heavy blanket.

To hear my friend saying things like, "This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through," and "I'm not okay" is heartbreaking.

And it's so natural to put yourself in that situation. Like, what would I do? How would I react? Would I sleep all the time, too? (Yes.)

I am naturally curious. I don't know how much of that is part nosiness, and part "I actually care," but I asked her all kinds of questions. Typical questions like, "where were you when it happened," etc. What I'm feeling kind of guilty about is that I AM nosy. I want to know what is going to happen to his stuff, and who is making the funeral arrangements, and how she is feeling at this very moment. RIGHT NOW. Are you numb? Did you mentally prepare for this? I want to be there when she moves out of that house, partly just to see it. Will she cry? What will her face look like when she moves the last of her stuff out of the house they shared?

I feel guilty that I want to know all these things, but at the same time, it's a human study. This is what grief looks like.

Raw.

Human.

Real.