Bring me a party, bitte
This is rare – a Sunday morning when the sky is dismal gray and the water falling from it sounds like crackling papers and for once it’s not depressing or unwelcome. The sunny not-cold weather was starting to bore me kind of like if I had cheesecake for dinner every night.
But fear not! I’m cranky as usual. I spent an almost infuriating minute looking for the Coffeemate because the milk in my refrigerator is so old I’m afraid to see the chunkies when I throw it out. I started to become very annoyed at Big C for moving it – I was sure HE was the one who moved it! – until I found it in the pantry and realized I might have been the one who moved it. To that I offer a sheepish “my bad.”
This weekend has been blah, but in a good way. When Matt picked me up from work on Friday, we drove around for about an hour and a half looking for something to do. There are so many ways one can spend a Friday post-work happy hour in Dallas, but we always end up doing the same thing when the choice is up to us: Buffalo Wild Wings, where the drinks are cheap and the NTN is available.
It was the perfect date. We sat close to each other and played NTN, winning most of the games and taking it way too seriously. It’s the typical Matt and Tanya date, going all the way back to our college days in San Marcos when no one was around, we’d sneak off to the Applebee’s down the road from our apartment and play NTN with the other regulars like Dane, Murphy and this one crazy bitch named Norma who we’d avoid like an STD.
Moving along.
Saturday was spent mostly in bed watching TV. We also recorded our answering machine greeting. It goes like this: Big C speaking: “Please leave a message after the tone.” Me: “Por favor deja un mensaje despues del tono.” Matt: “Bitte verlassen Sie eine Nachricht nach dem Ton.”
In other news, my mom called and said she’s coming to spend my 25th birthday with me. Every year on my birthday she tells me the same thing: “at this time X years ago, I was in the throws of pain waiting for you to be born.” And then she hugs me and I pretend to be sorry for causing her so much pain.
To celebrate the fact that I’ve lived so bloody long, this year I want to do something big. I’m too lazy and proud to plan anything on a large scale for myself, but if no one else will plan anything this year, I’ll take it into my own hands. I’ll use my mom’s visit as the excuse. I’m thinking lots of food, drinks and music. And pressies are mandatory.
Past birthdays in review
I remember my 22nd birthday in San Marcos Matt was busy doing a very important school project and Mando came over telling me he had our whole day planned. He gave me a few choices, too: we could either go see “Bringing Down the House” and spend the day in Austin or go to Halcyon for a quickie beer and afterward see where the day takes us. We opted for the latter choice and I had two Rolling Rocks at two in the afternoon. Then we walked around downtown Austin looking like two deranged goth kids and ended up back at my place on the couch. Later that night I popped open a bottle of champagne, Jenny and my gorgeous friend Crystal came over and we went to eat dinner at the River Pub and Grill, where Matt made a surprise appearance and my birthday was complete.
And the next year I remember Mando coming over and we drank bellinis god knows where and it took three trips to the DMV to get my license renewed. And we sat on the couch and giggled with unabated glee watching the little alien on my new cell phone do different things every time we flipped it open. Then we went to have dinner and drinks at the ever-so-not-fancy-but-totally-awesome Tap Room, where the idiot cunt waitress spilled an entire pint of Shiner on my pretty dress before I took my first sip.
I had to go home and change and when I came back, she said, “oh THAT dress is sooooo much cuter” to which I responded, “yeah, the other one was my FIRST choice.” Then I made her lift the back of my dress and kiss my ass and wish me a happy birthday. Okay, I didn’t make her do that, but I gave her the stink eye all night and had a good time anyway.
And last year I was on an airplane on my way to Rome and had two glasses of red wine and watched Napoleon Dynamite on the tiny screen in front of my seat.
I know I can’t recreate or top any of these birthdays because my dear Mando is not here with me and he hates Dallas, but OMG it would be so fucking awesome if he made a surprise visit (hint, hint, wink, wink). Maybe I can lure him with the alien on my cell phone and beer. We may not be able to have it all, but I assure you, dear readers, that there will be beer and food and a good time will be had. That’s for sure. And if the moons are aligned right, there just may be some drunk dancing with my mom standing in the background making faces as if she was going through the labor pains all over again.
But fear not! I’m cranky as usual. I spent an almost infuriating minute looking for the Coffeemate because the milk in my refrigerator is so old I’m afraid to see the chunkies when I throw it out. I started to become very annoyed at Big C for moving it – I was sure HE was the one who moved it! – until I found it in the pantry and realized I might have been the one who moved it. To that I offer a sheepish “my bad.”
This weekend has been blah, but in a good way. When Matt picked me up from work on Friday, we drove around for about an hour and a half looking for something to do. There are so many ways one can spend a Friday post-work happy hour in Dallas, but we always end up doing the same thing when the choice is up to us: Buffalo Wild Wings, where the drinks are cheap and the NTN is available.
It was the perfect date. We sat close to each other and played NTN, winning most of the games and taking it way too seriously. It’s the typical Matt and Tanya date, going all the way back to our college days in San Marcos when no one was around, we’d sneak off to the Applebee’s down the road from our apartment and play NTN with the other regulars like Dane, Murphy and this one crazy bitch named Norma who we’d avoid like an STD.
Moving along.
Saturday was spent mostly in bed watching TV. We also recorded our answering machine greeting. It goes like this: Big C speaking: “Please leave a message after the tone.” Me: “Por favor deja un mensaje despues del tono.” Matt: “Bitte verlassen Sie eine Nachricht nach dem Ton.”
In other news, my mom called and said she’s coming to spend my 25th birthday with me. Every year on my birthday she tells me the same thing: “at this time X years ago, I was in the throws of pain waiting for you to be born.” And then she hugs me and I pretend to be sorry for causing her so much pain.
To celebrate the fact that I’ve lived so bloody long, this year I want to do something big. I’m too lazy and proud to plan anything on a large scale for myself, but if no one else will plan anything this year, I’ll take it into my own hands. I’ll use my mom’s visit as the excuse. I’m thinking lots of food, drinks and music. And pressies are mandatory.
Past birthdays in review
I remember my 22nd birthday in San Marcos Matt was busy doing a very important school project and Mando came over telling me he had our whole day planned. He gave me a few choices, too: we could either go see “Bringing Down the House” and spend the day in Austin or go to Halcyon for a quickie beer and afterward see where the day takes us. We opted for the latter choice and I had two Rolling Rocks at two in the afternoon. Then we walked around downtown Austin looking like two deranged goth kids and ended up back at my place on the couch. Later that night I popped open a bottle of champagne, Jenny and my gorgeous friend Crystal came over and we went to eat dinner at the River Pub and Grill, where Matt made a surprise appearance and my birthday was complete.
And the next year I remember Mando coming over and we drank bellinis god knows where and it took three trips to the DMV to get my license renewed. And we sat on the couch and giggled with unabated glee watching the little alien on my new cell phone do different things every time we flipped it open. Then we went to have dinner and drinks at the ever-so-not-fancy-but-totally-awesome Tap Room, where the idiot cunt waitress spilled an entire pint of Shiner on my pretty dress before I took my first sip.
I had to go home and change and when I came back, she said, “oh THAT dress is sooooo much cuter” to which I responded, “yeah, the other one was my FIRST choice.” Then I made her lift the back of my dress and kiss my ass and wish me a happy birthday. Okay, I didn’t make her do that, but I gave her the stink eye all night and had a good time anyway.
And last year I was on an airplane on my way to Rome and had two glasses of red wine and watched Napoleon Dynamite on the tiny screen in front of my seat.
I know I can’t recreate or top any of these birthdays because my dear Mando is not here with me and he hates Dallas, but OMG it would be so fucking awesome if he made a surprise visit (hint, hint, wink, wink). Maybe I can lure him with the alien on my cell phone and beer. We may not be able to have it all, but I assure you, dear readers, that there will be beer and food and a good time will be had. That’s for sure. And if the moons are aligned right, there just may be some drunk dancing with my mom standing in the background making faces as if she was going through the labor pains all over again.
posted by deconstructionist at 1:17 PM
2 Comments:
oh my, i had forgotten all about that sleezebag norma! and that bitch waitress from tap room! remember that one time we went to tap room and all the lesbians, i mean, the SWT softball team was there drinking beer? funny stuff. oh, and i think you and your mom should sue the writers of gilmore girls because the mom gilmore always recants the tale of when she was in labor to her daughter on her birthday, but she also does it at the exact time of her birth. oh my.
Tidy???!?!?! You wanna talk tidy? How 'bout moving those crusty socks off the living room floor, eh? Shameless, my friend. Just shameless.
Ltflux, yah, I remember. Barely. Hehe.
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